Keeping the flame alive

Keeping the flame alive

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When you’ve have been with someone a while, you can grow comfy in their company.  You can even find that you grow separately despite living in the same house and sharing a bed.


But your relationship is important.  The energy you had when you first got together is still there somewhere and you can let it bubble back up to the surface again.


With connection and compassion, you can reignite the spark and keep the flame burning bright.  Here are a few suggestions to get you going:

Talk to each other

I’ll start with a classic, but it really is a good one.  You can have no idea what is going on with your partner if you don’t talk to them, so create space for conversation.


Make it meaningful conversation too.  Ask about the books they’ve been reading and what has been going on at work.  Telling them to grab some milk on the way back from work doesn’t count.


Every few weeks carve out some time to talk about the big things in life and how you are going to make them happen.  You’ll thank yourselves for it later.



Everyone likes a few surprises, even hardworking grown-ups.  If anything I think like surprises more now than as a kid, because they are rare.


The odd surprise through the year can show your partner that you care about them all year round and not just on birthdays and Christmases.


It doesn’t have to be gifts either.  It could be cooking their favourite meal or writing them a letter.  Just something that they weren’t expecting.


Make time for the two of you

This one is essential if you have children.  Parenting is whirlwind and finding yourselves under all that is hard.


Schedule frequent slots in your life where it is dedicated to just the two of you.  It could be as simple as watching a film together or ordering a takeaway.  Just make sure the kids aren’t included.

Share your goals

Sharing your goals is a great way to gain a deeper understanding of where your partner is at and where they want to be.


They get the same information when you share yours too.  It also opens up the conversation for ways in which you can support each other and turn them into joint ventures.


You might realise that you both have a shared goal, and together you can bring you both closer to making it a reality.


Make time for yourself

Although it may seem counterintuitive, making time for your self is an important part of any relationship.  We have to be confident in who we are before we start showing up for others.


Remember that you were lost when you got together.  You are two different people and that needs to be recognised and honoured.


Communication is key

It doesn’t make what form that communication comes in, just as long as you are finding a way to share your experiences and to the listen in return.

Disclaimer:  Remember the information you read here does not represent advice.  Any ideas or suggestions are just that and may not work for you.  Read the full disclaimer here.

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