If you have recently become a single parent or perhaps are contemplating it then these practical tips should help you through those first few days and weeks.
Have You Become A Single Parent?
Everyone has the dream of the perfect family, in the perfect home with 2.5 children. But quite often, when you want the fairy tale, you end up with a Stephen King novel of a life! Things do not always go to plan and when you find yourself settled with your life, it can change with the click of your fingers.
Partners fall out of love, or they find themselves in the friend zone instead of life partners. It happens and you have to make the best of the situation, especially when you have children to think about. Sometimes a parent will become seriously ill and sadly pass away. It is so easy to suddenly find that become a single parent.
Many parents can work together and co-parent with the children. But sometimes if your relationship ends in a bad way or you are left to raise children on your own through death, then it’s hard.
First Feelings
Firstly, you are going to feel like you cannot raise your children on your own. But you can, you have got this. You might struggle for a little while, but you have just undergone a big disruption in your perfect life. It takes a while to get used to your new life. It doesn’t matter if you send your kids to school with odd socks on, or you didn’t wash their school uniform and you need to Fabreeze it in the morning.
What matters is that you are there for your children and you are helping them through the adjustment, whilst trying to deal with the situation yourself. You will be able to do this.
You Are Not Alone
Although you might feel like you are alone, you really are not. Many of your friends will have been single parents for a while and they will help you. You can get tips on how to cope from them. They are there to listen to you cry, scream, shout and punch the wall. They are there to get drunk with you and forget the situation for a few hours. Going to someone and crying is not a sign of failure, it is a sign of strength. Because you are saying you need help – that takes guts.
Let your employer know that you are now doing this yourself. They have an obligation to help and support you if your children are younger than 16 years old. You can get shifts that help with childcare, you need to look into your companies policy. Check your working rights and make sure you know about parental leave, which is 4 weeks a year unpaid if your family need you. You can take this whilst you adapt to single parenting, to take time for you and your kids.
Sort Out Finances
If you need to get onto benefits, contact them straight away. The sooner you do it, the sooner you get cash. Universal Credit takes about 5 weeks to kick in, but you can get a loan to help you cope with it. If you need it, get help with rent and Council tax. Check out what you are entitled to from free school meals to dental treatment.
I know you will probably feel ashamed at having to rely on the benfit system BUT you did not choose this path when you started your family. You do not need to feel bad or ashamed. And for all you know, it might only be a short term solution until you get back on your feet.
For more security, get the bills and house put in your name. You do not want to rely on someone else to pay the bills, and then they leave you high and dry. Because they never actually pay them, especially if the break up was a bad one.
Let The School Know
Give the school a ring, or if you are up to it go for a face to face meeting. Explain your situation to them, again cry if you need to. Your children will need support as well as you. Children hide their feelings from their parents because they don’t want to upset them. So instead they will act up at school, at least the school will know what is wrong.
You Really Have This!
No matter how much you think you are failing, you are not. So you have become a single parent? Before you know it, you will be proving to everyone that you can do it. You will be holding down a job, running your home, sending your kids to school with matching socks and smiling again.
